i flew to boston yesterday. i'm here now. i hate massachusettes and i don't know how to spell it either. i hate the way they talk here. i hate my cousins friends. i hate feeling like some fucking family outcast.
i saw my oma in the casket. i saw her. it was open. i wanted to throw up. i shook like crazy. cried until my eyes stung.
i couldn't stop thinking, during the service, about this one time when we took my grandma to a mexican restaurant and she got drunk on margaritas. she started telling dirty jokes. we had to hold her up as we walked to the war. she was wearing a red polka dot skirt, her hair was black black and she had red lipstick painted perfectly.
my cousins are completely apathetic. i can't stand it. they went out partying and drinking the night before. & they wondered "what is wrong with ah.lex?"...ugh.
fucking crazies.
everyone.
i feel so out of place..
everywhere.
<3
ah.lex
